I’m Trying Not to Be an Unhappy Achiever

As my ghostwriting business grows with new clients, I am making an effort to celebrate in small ways.

When I excitedly shared the news that I’d been accepted to Columbia Law School with my relatives, one of them immediately asked, “What about the other Ivy schools?” I knew exactly which ones she meant.

For most of my life, no matter how much I achieved, it never felt like it was enough. There was always something “better,” something more I needed to do. 

This feeling stuck with me, even when I was working at a law firm during a particularly busy time. During one of my therapy sessions, I vented to my therapist about how my to-do list kept growing, no matter how much I crossed off. I was constantly playing catch-up to no end and it was draining me.

She asked me, “What was on your list today, and how many did you check off?”

Exhausted and feeling underaccomplished, I replied, “I only did 6 out of 10 things I wanted to get done today.”

I was beating myself up for not being efficient enough to finish the remaining 4 tasks, and dreading how my list would just get longer tomorrow

That’s when my therapist hit me with a hard truth: 

“You’re an unhappy achiever.”

She explained that instead of focusing on what I hadn’t accomplished, I could choose to celebrate the 6 things I did manage to complete.

I initially thought that was such a strange concept. Celebrate what? I didn’t feel like I had done anything worthy of celebration.

This mindset had been my reality for most of my life. Sure, I celebrated major milestones like getting into law school, despite that annoying comment from my relative.

But for other achievements—landing internships, receiving full-time offers, passing the New York Bar—I was momentarily happy but never took a moment to genuinely celebrate or thank myself for the hard work I’d put in. It felt like a hassle, and sometimes I felt self-conscious, as if I were being too self-promoting by sharing the news with others.

So when I passed the California Bar, it felt like it was just one of the 6 things I managed to check off. When I shared the news with those close to me, one of them said, “Of course you passed.”

This reinforced my own belief: I just did one more thing I was supposed to do. Let’s move on.

Not long after passing the California Bar, I found myself in the kitchen with my mom one day. I told her, “I think I’m an unhappy achiever.” She asked why, and I explained my feelings to her. The statement seemed to hit her too.

So, I was very surprised one afternoon when my family called me over and I walked in to see this:

This was already a big surprise but in addition, my parents, sister, and husband each recorded a video message telling me how proud they were of my accomplishments. My dad even wrote song lyrics expressing his pride and sang it in a self-recorded video he filmed at his office.

I don’t cry often.

But that day, I ugly cried.

I think everyone in the room, including me, was surprised.

Even now, thinking about it, I tear up a bit. It felt almost cathartic, as if I was finally celebrating all the things I hadn’t celebrated before but deep down wished I had celebrated. For the first time, I allowed myself to acknowledge my hard work and give myself a pat on the back for doing so.

My therapist was right: it’s important to celebrate each achievement, no matter how small it may seem. Since that time, I’ve made it a habit to celebrate even the little things. When I finished marking up a long agreement or closed a deal, I treated myself to something special. Instead of ordering a black coffee, I’ll treat myself to a more expensive flavored latte with oat milk for extra charge. 

Since I started my own ghostwriting business, I’ve been writing often on LinkedIn to promote my services. I’ve been lucky enough to land clients soon after I started promoting myself. 

When I landed my first client, I shared the news with a close friend. She reminded me to celebrate, even if it feels like a hassle. She said we spend so much time beating ourselves up when we make mistakes or when things don’t go the way we want, but we don’t take enough time to celebrate when we achieve something worth celebrating. We need to create more of that time and space in our lives.

She was right.

So, I bought a bottle of champagne and told my family I wanted to celebrate landing my first client. We all sat together and raised a toast.

And each subsequent client I land, each content I help write for them that produces great results, I am consciously making an effort to celebrate in small ways.

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Special thanks to A.V. and Jinsol for inspiring me to write on this topic.

As someone who is starting out on their own for the first time, I’m documenting my journey and sharing the ups and downs of starting a service business. If you find this helpful or have suggestions on other topics I should write, please let me know.